Forgiveness

If I were to sit here and tell you all that forgiving those who hurt you is pretty easy, I’d be telling you the biggest lie. Forgiving is one of the most difficult things to do, but it is also one of the most important. When you make that decision not to forgive, you take on a heavy burden, and eventually it will consume you;  consequently, it’ll ruin you. When it comes to forgiveness, you have to understand it is not for the other person or people, it is ultimately for you. When you make that choice to forgive, you set yourself free. I know this is easier said than done, but it will bless you. I am the last person to talk about the importance of forgiveness, but with what I experienced, I knew I had to share.

One of the hardest experiences I faced was the betrayal of a loved one. Family. Without getting too detailed (I know I preach transparency, but for the sake of the parties involved, I can’t get too detailed), this person literally ruined my life, lol. They were the reason my family relocated to Maryland. Prior to the move, everything was gravy. Once we moved, the switch up was realllllll! Because of this individual, my family and I went through the hardest of times. To keep it a stack, I really don’t know how we’re here today. Anything someone can possibly go through, we went through. From being robbed, to the death of our Grandfather, to almost facing homelessness, to so many other unspeakable things; this person was the cause of it all. So many things happened, but the worst of it was putting us through all this and abandoning us. To sacrifice for someone you love only for them to leave was a different type of betrayal.

With the events that occurred, I was affected the worst.  It affected me in so many ways. Out of all, the worst was the hatred. I am a really nice person, and I give people chances (sometimes too many), but this situation turned me into someone ugly. I was very bitter and I trusted no one. Guys, when I say I hated this person, I hatedddd them. That word cannot even fathom the amount of hate I had towards this person. I won’t even hold you, it was bad. It spilled into other areas of my life. I didn’t trust anyone, I was nasty to people, I didn’t want any new friends for fear they’d just come and leave; I just wasn’t myself. The resentment really took over me.

I really want to reiterate and lament how much this situated affected me because it nearly destroyed me. Ask my friends, they know. I was super defensive, I would snap on people, and try to embarrass them. I started losing people because of how I was treating them. I was fighting with my family members, and it caused me to stress. As a result, my weight was up and down, I was breaking out, and I had really bad headaches. I was tired of this happening so I decided to make one of the hardest choices ever, forgive and let go.

I won’t lie, it hurt like hell. To really let all the things this person did go, and charge it to the game? Nope! I couldn’t do it. For a while,  I fought it, but it took a lot of reflection and prayer to actually go through with it. After much thinking, I realized that most of this derived from pain and fear. I feared that the process would keep repeating itself. I would let someone in fully, and they’d purposely hurt me and abandon me. I’m a tough person, so admitting I was hurt took a lot as well. It was annoying because I would come home from school and relax, and I would start thinking about the situation all over again. To think that I made the conscious effort to let this person in and they purposely hurt me was driving me absolutely wild. I was literally going crazy thinking about it all day. Also, seeing how it affected my family, especially my mother, made the situation 20x worse.

After all this reflecting and realizing, it took a lot of effort and prayer to forgive. I did not want to at all, but I knew if I wanted to be happy I had to. Again, it was not easy but it was necessary. I learned so much in this situation. It taught me a lot about power, emotions, pain, freedom, etc. While I would not wish what my family and I went through on anyone, I appreciate the journey.

I learned that forgiveness isn’t for those who hurt you, it is in-fact for YOU. It is needed in order for you to move on and live your life. I was hurt and I didn’t give myself time and space to heal. I had to ask myself who am I not to forgive? Every day I hurt God by doing one sin or another, and I ask him to forgive me. If he can forgive me, why can’t I forgive others? My good friend brought up a point and said that in the Lord’s prayer, it says “…..forgive us our trespasses,as we forgive those who trespass against us….” Like what?! God is telling me he’ll forgive me as I forgive others. No matter how much they hurt me. I wished so much bad on this individual, but in the end, I left them for God. God will you fight for you, he will vindicate you, and he will judge those who hurt you. I learned forgiving doesn’t mean you are weak. This was a big one because I hate feeling weak. Whenever I say I forgive, I feel like I’m being sweet and people will try and play with me again, but that was my pride talking. I had to let her go too, lol. Pride?  She will cause you to miss your blessings and so will choosing not to forgive.

Yes, It will hurt at first. You will fight it or cry about it like I did. There will be times where you will say no they don’t deserve it, but it won’t hurt anyone but you. The other person does not care. They’re still going on about their life, and you should do the same! Forgive. Let it all go. Do whatever you have to, but free yourself from the ugliness in your heart. I promise it will be worth it. You may not feel like that right now, but God will take control. You deserve happiness, peace, freedom, and everything forgiveness gives, so give it to yourself.

AyabaConnect

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s