When people talk about toxic traits it is often related to relationships, but no one ever discusses those that dwell within yourself. One of the hardest things to do in life is to be completely honest with yourself. To completely read yourself for fillthhhhh. A lot of times we blame other people for things, but sis…sometimes its YOU.
I know I always say whatever particular topic I’m writing about is “hard for me”, but this stuff is really hard, lol. Growth is never an easy thing, but to become who you need to, it is essential. Anyways, as hard as it may be to understand, but in certain situations, it is in fact you. There are certain TOXIC traits that you harbor, that brings so much negative energy to your life. We’re so quick to identify the toxicity in other people, but can you do it to yourself? Personally, I was THE number one person calling people out on all their BS. I’d tell you if you were bitter, jealous, angry, etc., but when other people brought my own traits to my attention, sis was in denial. I didn’t have a major epiphany for my need to change, but I just simply noticed how I treated people or the things that I would say…I just saw a lot of my shortcomings and it really bothered me.
I had a lot of toxic traits that I worked to get rid of (some are still there, but God is working on me, lol). I was extremely jealous. If certain things did not work out for me, but they worked out for others, I’d be hurt. If they were going after their dreams and becoming successful, I would always find something to hate on. I compared myself to others a lot, especially appearance wise. Being too big or not thick enough was a major issue and till this day I still have somewhat of an issue. At times I can be very pessimistic (mind you, I hate pessimistic people), I just carried a negative aura at times and it affected those around me. It is important to self-evaluate every so often because you do not want to be that person. It isn’t fun, lol. Oh yeah, I was also VERY judgmental. I didn’t care who you were, I judged you, lmao. It’s not funny, but thinking back it’s like who in the world did I think I was to put myself in the position to judge others. Like, I’m really hilarious, lmao. To be honest, the list goes on..lack of trust, passive aggressiveness, insecurity, projecting my fears unto others, I could keep going. I do want to pause and say I wasn’t this crazy person all the time. I didn’t exude all these things at once, but over the course of time I did notice and identify them.
To identify your traits it’s all about self-evaluating. It even helps to ask your closest friends. I used to ask my friends all the time what is something I need to change, or what characteristic do I have that’s detrimental but I don’t notice. If you truly believe you do not have any toxic trait, you’re lying to yourself. To be honest, I understand if you really truly believe you don’t, its really easy to believe, but in the end, all you’re doing is hurting yourself. We are all human, and no one is perfect, but that isn’t an excuse to not work towards a better you. It is very important to get rid of these traits. Some people don’t know what certain toxic traits are so below are a few:
-Sensitivity (being too sensitive)
-Lack of Empathy
Now, that you have a few examples of toxic traits here area few indicators to help you identify if you have them:
1. People no longer want to be around you– If you are the negative nancy and you bring down a good vibe, you gotta go sis. No one wants that type of person in their space. Especially since we live in a world that is negative enough. People will not want you around, and you will see it. You’ll start to notice people just do not want you around. If their energy changes when you walk up, you all don’t hang out as much as you used to, or they always suddenly just have to go….maybe jusstttttt maybe, it’s you.
2. You notice yourself always talking about someone-This one was one of my biggest toxic traits. I would literally find the bad in everyone. If they just graduated, “finally”, whole timeeee I didn’t even graduate on time, lmao. I remember once, I heard the words coming out of my mouth and I was like ”damn, I sound like a hater”, and from that moment on I told myself I would stop.
3. If your friends don’t confide in you about their issues-I remember one of my best friends had told my other best friends her issue. We were all talking and they were discussing it. I was mad because she didn’t tell me. I low-key went off. She graciously gathered me all the way together and expressed I was extremely judgmental. When she talked to me about certain things, she felt worse after we spoke. When your best friend tells you that, its heartbreaking. That’s not what the relationship is supposed to be like.
4. You find yourself never content with your life-Now, nothing is wrong with wanting more for yourself, but if you’re never happy with what you have due to the fact that you’re looking at what God gave others, it is a no-go. This is dangerous because you become greedy, and you will find yourself doing crazy things to get to where other people are. Keep in mind everyone’s story is different. Everyone’s time for glory is different. Stop comparing. Your time will come.
5. Bad situations just always seem to find you-If you find yourself in a bad situation all the time, you might be apart of the problem. What you put out into the world is what will return. If you are constantly negative and putting others down, how do you think the world will reward you? You think you’ll….be blessed? No. You have to be the change you seek. Start inward. Look at what you need to change and go from there. Be a pillar of light, and not a cloud of darkness. Do not put out bad energy, because it will surely find you. Like Wizkid said, bad energy stay far away!
Now, these aren’t the only indicators of you having toxic traits, but they are a start. If you can identify with any of the traits or indicators above, its time to make a change. Toxicity should have no place in your life. It can cause a lot of damage and pain. Being toxic is like a poison and it affects everyone you come in contact with. It can leave you feeling like an outcast in your own life. It is best to identify them early and try and find out the cause. I always tell myself I have one life to live, and I want to spend it as happy as possible being the best me. That should be a mentality you adapt to as well. It should be no reason you are bringing all this bad energy into your life. You should live it being happy and doing what you love. Ayaba, we don’t have time for toxicity, we should be getting to the bag and working to make our dreams come true, period.