Lately

Usually, I’ll come up with some catchy name and a cute graphic, but this time I just wanted to be raw and transparent about how I’ve been feeling lately with life and about my journey. 

Lately, I’ve been going through a whirlwind of things. Life has really been coming at me and its like PAUSE………….what did I EVER do to life?! Like why do I deserve this, lol. I’ve been feeling lonely, powerless, confused, lost, all the above…despite this I have moments where I have “power feels” (where I feel spirts of motivation and I feel unstoppable), but then life levels it out and I crash. I feel like my world is collapsing. Everything I am going through at the time just hits me all at once.

Issues with my job, finances, living away from home on my own, not being in a relationship, not being where I planned to be has contributed to my feelings of doubt and sadness. These are things I deal with regularly, but as humans we all come to a point where we feel enough is enough, and I was there.

I was feeling extremely low and it physically showed. You could see me and tell I was going through it. You ever heard the saying “I thank God because I don’t look like what I’m going through”? Well, I looked like what I was going through times two, lol. The good thing about being low is that you’re your most vulnerable state, and you are honest with yourself. Its during this time, you hear yourself the most. 

One day, I was laying in bed thinking. Like okay boom…..this is the problem, this is how you feel, do you want to feel like this forever or do you want to change your situation? This is when I found my power. I realized we control our narratives. Yes, we know life will not be easy, especially being a Christian, but wallowing in pity and self doubt does nothing for your tomorrow. It’s about what you will do in the face of adversity.

I tend to read on powerful and influential women for inspiration, and out of all the inspiring stories I read, I noticed 1 similarity about all these women. When times were tough, they never gave up. They looked each trial and tribulation and took it head on. Of course they had their moments, but it wasn’t for long. They adjusted their crowns, and got back to business. I decided this was the mentality I wanted to adopt. 

Lately, yes, life has been kicking my ass, but I have been putting up one hell of a fight. In my time of struggle, I am realizing my power. I am more resilient, I am strong, I am beautiful, I am a fighter…I am so much more than what I am currently facing. And me realizing this has caused to me to love myself so much more. I’ve been in my bag, getting things done, and feeling a little more sexy (my weight loss has also contributed to this s/o to Allison!). I see what I am truly capable of and I love it.

All in all, what I am trying to say is that when you have your moments and everything around you has come crashing down, it is in that moment that you rise. These situations are temporary and they allow you to see what you’re made of. You access and harness a power you didn’t even know you had. Ayabas don’t let temporary defeats keep them down. They look situations straight in the face and go beast mode. I just wanted to send words of encouragement, because I know lately I have been in need of it, and I’m sure someone somewhere needs it too. Don’t let your lately determine or affect your tomorrow. Put your faith in God and always have hope. My mother tells me where there is life there is hope. That means as long as you’re still breathing there is a chance for change to come. Keep going. Decide to be unstoppable, then become it. Do not let anything stand in your way. 

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2 thoughts on “Lately

  1. Kudos to you my daughter, that’s simply act of maturity, keep the flag flying with your God in the lead, you will laugh last. Bravo my Queen Esther

    Like

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